My first piece of Hetalia fanart! Aren't you proud of me?

This is inspired by this fic: community.livejournal.com/hetalia/4774266.html, although obviously there are some differences. I think America would be accepting of his recession by now, but let's say it was last year or something. Rule of funny.

[1:45:47 AM] BatNeko: Like, like, remember William Hung?

[1:46:44 AM] BatNeko: If I was a singer, and trying to be a professional, and working REALLY hard to improve my skills so I could be WORTHY of being a professional, and then someone tells me how that guy is the best singer ever and his voice is so beautiful.

[1:46:54 AM] BatNeko: THAT IS HOW I FEEL ABOUT TWILIGHT.

To me. ^^

Y!gallery is broked, so here is a comic.

I just wanted to get rid of that last post.

http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa14/MistressBatNeko/neatcoat.jpg

I like her coat.

I hate the world and everyone in it.

My roommate is leaving.  I have two and a half weeks to find someone new.  I have NO money.  He made me switch rooms with him only a couple weeks ago, because he was going to be paying extra rent.  Now he's abandoning me to the wolves and there's nothing I can do.

I've put an ad up, and will be asking around, but last time I tried to find a new roommate I... didn't.  I got scammed, in fact, and my bank account was screwed up for MONTHS.

If anyone knows anyone who lives in Washington and needs an apartment, please let me know.

I JUST typed this up so I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense.

 

My boss Mike was teaching me and a bunch of other young people how to do magic.  Mike is the nicest person in the world, but he is also very strongly Christian.  He was teaching us how to fly using a bathtub, there were weird words we had to say to make it do anything.  No one was doing very well at it. Then he asked us to indentify whether the bathtub was meant for a man or a woman, by the way it was shaped.  I guessed woman but I can’t remember if it was me or another girl who actually said it.  That was right.  We were flying it in this little wooded area, like a thick park.  There was a path but not a big one.  That was the first part.

 

In the second part something bad had happened, something evil.  It was down beneath this building and there was a HUGE shaft down there, like someone had just carved a hole shaped like a building down in the ground.  But there were stairs leading down to the bottom, with corners and landings not just straight down.  Railings too.  I think the stairs were white.  For some reason a whole bunch of people were in line to get to the bottom of this hole.  Everybody was just standing around and chatting like it was no big deal.  Mike and all the people he was teaching were going to go and FIGHT the evil, whatever it was, but somehow I had gotten separated in line so I was way ahead of them.  I got close enough to see the bottom and there was a house there, like a fake house, a front and a little bit of walls and roof pressed up against the far wall off to the left I think.  The house was white with a red door and red shutters, all closed.  I knew the evil wasn’t really in the house, but the house was dangerous, and I was getting scared about going down there.  And then Mike called.  He was behind me, up the stairs a little way, and I decided to stick with him instead of going down by myself.  We met on one of the platforms.  There was a railing and you could see the house, though it was really far away.  Then something started happening. The house turned black, and the door and windows started glowing sort of pink.  And then for a second it was invisible, and there was a woody kind of garden where it was, and smoke started pouring from nowhere and you could see the people in it and they’d all been turned black.  Two of them started flying up toward the stairs.  The house came back but pink sparks were shooting under the door.  Mike sighed sort of resignedly I think and told everyone to get back.  He was going to protect us.  I thought he was going to use a magic shield but he didn’t seem to.  I remember I pulled my hood over my head at this point.  I knew it wouldn’t protect me but it made me feel better.  There was another girl there, I can’t remember if she was another student of Mike or if I’d been talking to her in line.  She was curled up scared against the side of the stairs ad I almost went over there and comforted her but I didn’t.  I saw to the two guys who had been flying, their skin and hair and everything were all back, and it looked like they were talking to him, just floating there.  Mike didn’t seem scared or worried at all.  That’s when I woke up.

Everyone in this city is a pussy.  They actually CLOSED THE MALL because of snow. Granted that means I got to come home a couple hours early, but that also means less money for me.  I NEED that money.

Also, no one here knows how to drive in winter.  You guys suck.

Hey.  Hey.  Lookit.

http://batneko.deviantart.com/art/FUCK-YEAH-104231213

YEAH.

Okay, I just had the freakiest dream.  There was this magic city, right?  And it was, like, underground the regular world.  In the dream, I got there by accident, but I kept going back.  I think I had a friend or a guide or something.  But I kept to the main part of it, where there were a lot of animals.  There was a blue whale, like a cartoony one (the dream before that involved Moby Dick but he was blue for some reason.  Even in my dream I knew that was wrong).  There was a purple panther too, several of those.  And some kind of tiger-man with a snake for an arm.  Anyway, my brother got there by accident too.  I tried to show him around, even though I didn't know much either yet.  He likes animals and stuff a lot, so in my dream he kept trying to save them, and stop them from being forced to fight each other.  He fell in this pit or something.  The animals were all in these empty pits I remember.  So somehow, me or someone else decided that my brother should take the test to be a hero.  It mostly seemed to involve him having to stand there while angry animals ran n front of him.  Then I took him on a tour, of weird shops and stuff.  I was enjoying it, but then my brother wanted to see the coroner, I don't know why.  For some reason, in my dream, that seemed perfectly fine.  I had never met him either, so I asked someone how.  Me and my brother started walking down this hall that was lined with boxes and shelves and toys, and it turned out it was like a museum to all the people some woman had dated, ranked in order.  There was a recording of her voice as we did this, and it was implied she was magiacally sexy or maybe just a giant whore I don't know.  We got to the end and there was a stuffed rooster that represented the number 1 guy she'd ever slept with.  It started to talk, and argue with the other things in the hall.  And the recording was singing, or chanting, or something, and all the items in the hall started moving and it might have been about to turn into some kind of sexy musical number... only with weird toys and heads in boxes.  Oh yeah, there were heads in the boxes.  But they were just wax replicas or something like that.  Except one, witch wasn't the coroner but connected to him somehow.  Anyway I saw that one and I guess it deemed me worthy, so me and the head, which turned out to be a real semi-rotted dead person's head, went down this shoot to this really gross room (my brother was gone from my dream at this point), like all metal and bloodstains.  The head went into this thing in the floor like it was supposed to be there, it was like a big rectangle set into the metal floor, with all these machines and metal arms above it  I went and hid in a corner, behind a plastic curtain, and I heard a voice (Jim Carrey for some reason) ask me if I was ready for "pure golden electric hell."  Or something like that.  I thought he was going to zap me or torture me.  I was really scared and I was crying I think.  Jim Carrey started doing this poem, but I wasn't listening even though I knew, in my dream, that it was about the body parts he was attaching to the head and that he was making a kind of Frankenstein monster.  I couldn't see beyond the curtain, but I could hear deep screams, and I knew, in the way you know things in dreams, that the monster was going to get up and I was probably supposed to try and make friends with it or something, but it was going to be HORRIBLE and I was so scared and I didn't know for sure if it was going to kill me.  That's when I woke up.

I am displeased.  I found the PERFECT hat for a Black Spy cosplay (found a great one for White Spy too, but I don't have a white trenchcoat so I'm sticking with black) but it was fifteen dollars.  I thought it prudent to check my bank account before spending that much money (shut up, that's a lot) and sure enough; I did not have enough for the hat and the things I actually need.  Like oven cleaner.

Speaking of oven cleaner, that shit is hardcore.   I just sprayed it in my oven, and I could barely breathe!  Apparently I'm supposed to leave it in there for at least two hours.  Considering the fact that my oven caught fire last time I tried to use it, I think I will wait longer then that.  It's okay to leave it overnight, according to the label.

Yes, I said fire.  And yes, it was scary.  It was small, but scary nonetheless.  I'm just lucky there's a fire extinguisher right outside my apartment door.  I didn't know it was there... I mean, I KNEW but I forgot.  I opened my door to let the smoke out and hopefully silence that goddamn alarm, and there it was.  The fire station is right across the street, so it's not like I was in any danger. But still

Amazingly, the chicken I was cooking was totally fine.  Even a little underdone, though not enough to make me sick or anything.  I'm assuming.  It's been like three days.

My snot was gray from all the smoke.  It was gross. ><

I still don't have checks from either my supposed roommate, or the gov'ment.  I get paid on Friday, but it is not NEARLY enough to cover the entire rent.  Or my Comcast bill.  And food?  HA!

At least I finally have pots again, so I can cook.  I need furniture and a TV.  And a vacuum.

Why do these journals always turn melancholy?

Oh yeah.  That's why.

I'd sort of like to dress as the Gray Spy too, but no one would recognize her.  I'd be lucky enough if anyone recognized the Black Spy.  Maybe I could make a pointyface mask?

I just want to post an entry that isn't all complaining.

*ahem*

SPEED RACER WAS AWESOME YOU SHOULD ALL GO SEE IT ELEVEN TIMES!!!

That is all.

Bet that title turned you right off, huh?

I'm not going to actually complain.  Just kind of wanted to see who would click on that.  The truth is, I finally have things in my life that I don't have to complain about!  I got a new job, I'm doing okay with art, Sakura Con is fast approaching.  I'm not going to be homeless!

The only thing that is not good is that I have been really lax about calling someone I said I'd call.  Which I feel really bad about because she seems quite cool.  In other words, this is my sucky low-self-esteem way of saying sorry.  Sorry!

Man I have like four fanfics I'm supposed to be writing right now...

It took five hours, two phonecalls, one new disc and three Midol to get my computer started today.

Hahaha I hate my life.

Someday I shall create a site. Called anythingart.com.  Where you can post ANYTHING.  Even stuff that I, the creator, find offensive.  Because, much in the same way you should be able to draw whatever you damn well please, you should also be able to POST whatever you damn well please.  Sketches, porn, whatever.  The only rule would be the mature warnings. You can post whatever you damn well please, but you can't subject the kidderlings to it.

I seriously love Arby's you guys.  Not only do they have those mozzarella stick things which are AWESOME, but they have this bell by the door that you ring when you were happy with your service.  And then everybody working there, which is usually at LEAST six people, shouts out "thank you!" all at once.  It's so cute.

I don't know, maybe it's the evil dictator in me, but there's something about making people shout in unison that puts a smile on my face.

Part one: "Icky Slimy Zombie Thing"
There's an icky slimy zombie thing. Beowulf seems cool at first, but then he says "womb." He fights the zombie thing nekkid. Butt. Nekkid. WTF Beowulf?

Part two: "Solid Gold Dancer"
The zombie thing's mama ain't happy, but for some reason she wants to bump uglies with the dude who killed her son. Which she does. Also a sword melts. And then somebody dies and Beowulf goes emo on us.

Part three: "Teenage Angst"
A lot of people die and nobody learns anything.

4:00 am - Watch alarm went off.  Checked it, realized it was wrong, attempted to fix it and then went back to sleep.

4:11 am - Looked at watch, was dismayed to discover it read 5:11 am.  Got um, turned on light, realized it could not possibly have been an hour and eleven minutes since I last opened my eyes, and turned on my computer to check.  Remembered my phone also had a clock, so checked that, turned off the computer without letting it boot up properly, and went back to bed without fixing anything.

5:06 am - Looked at watch.  It read 6:06 am. Got up for reals, took shower, attempted to make coffee but discovered roommate Jake sleeping on couch (he hasn't officially moved in yet) and decided I wasn't really that sleepy anyway.  Wore dogtag earrings by way of symbolism and because I did not have any Christmassy ones.  Also wore my Triforce pendant for luck.

5:32 am - Left for work.

5:37 am - Arrived at shopping area, nearly ten minutes early.  Grumbled to self.

5:38 am - Noticed some strange shadows on the Target building.  Recognized shadows as people waiting in line for store to open.  Noted that line went all the way around the building. Began cursing to self.  Believe it went something like, "Holy fuck.  You have got to be fucking me.  Jesus fucking Christ."

5:40 am - Entered the Target building along with a coworker.  Reported on the humongous line.  Made scared noises.

5:45 am - Officially clocked in and headed for pep talk.

6:00 am - Doors opened.  People began to enter.

6:03 am - First guest arrived at checkout.  Other guests still filing in.

6:20 am - Guests still coming...

6:58 am - Sold first REDcard!  Woo!

8:15 am - First break. Feeling pretty good still.  Noted with happiness that the Powers-That-Be of Target had provided free chips and soda, and heard someone say there would be Subway for lunch.

10:37 am - Lunch.  There WAS Subway.  It was good.

11:25 am - Declared myself the Checkstand Warrior!  Hoo-ah!

12:00 pm - Last break.  Watched Ninja Warrior.  Inked a Space Elf Ninja Pirate.  Received compliment.  Shared Thanksgiving memories.

1:47 pm - Officially got off work.  Went and bought a Zelda DS case and some Christmassy earrings.

Final Report: I made Black Friday my BITCH.

Portal.

Got your attention?  Good.

First of all, LOVE this game.  It is so fun and I am SO BAD at it, but less so then many other games.  It takes me like twenty minutes to remember how the controls work.  Why oh why do I suck so bad at games?

Ahem.  Anyway.

I am not the only one who loves this game.  Far from it.  All the webcomic peoples are planning shirts, DeviantArt is full of pictures *cough* and half my friends can sing the song. *also cough*  But WHY is this game so popular?  It's not just the game play, although that is flawless.  No.  It's the voices.  The music.  The crazy guy-before-you's graffiti.  THE WEIGHTED COMPANION CUBE.  And GLaDOS.  Ah GLaDOS.  She is so great.  All the dialogue.  Every word out of her speakers...

Hmm.  You know, I say "her," but she isn't really.  She's an "it."  I guess it's because person who did the voice is a woman, and during the final (only) boss battle she turns really sultry there for a while.  It's funny.

"When I said 'deadly neurotoxin,' the deadly was in massive sarcasm quotes."Yeah.  Awesome.

Fun fact!  Supposedly, there's a lot of lesbian symbolism in this game.  That is bullshit, and obviously not intentional, but sort of fun to think about.

So in most games, you're a guy, right?  And you usually use a gun or a sword, very phallic symbols.  But in Portal you play a woman who uses a gun that shoots holes. And goes in and out of those holes.  You see where I'm going with this.  And then there's GLaDOS, who we already discussed is basically a crazy bitch.  And the only "male" character in the game, the ever-beloved Weighted Companion Cube, ("I invited your best friend the companion cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him." Please note that is the only time GLaDOS refers to the Cube as "he." Every other time it's "it.") is incinerated by Chell at GLaDOS's insistence.  Not entirely sure what that symbolizes, but there it is.

Another interesting fact, to me, is that Chell is probably a murderer.  Think about it.  She's wearing that orange jumpsuit.  She was sent to be a test subject, which as you should know by now is basically a death sentence.  And there's GLaDOS's little comment, "You're not a good person, you know that, right? Good people don't get up here."  GLaDOS is a self-admitted liar, but it seems like a relevant statement.

And now, I leave you with the Curiosity Core.

"Who are you?  What is that?  Oh, what's that?  What's THAT?  Hey look at that thing. Noo, that other thing.  Ooooh that thing has numbers on it!  Ooohhh, what's in heeere?  What's that noise?  Is that a gun?  Eeeeew, what's wrong with your legs?  Hey! You're the lady from the test!" (the only in-game reference to Chell's gender) "HI!  Are you coming back?" (as Chell prepares to throw it into the incinerator) "Do you smell something burning?"